Another wave of depression

No mood to study again tis afternoon so went thru a few ppple's blog. Good to see that many of them are in pretty good mood nowadays =) Den I start to look back at myself. Somehow I dun feel as happy. V short-tempered and stressed nowadays. Somehow everything feels wrong. For the first time, I really really really feel v unprepared for the exams that is coming in 2 weeks. But Im simply in no mood to study. I feel like I need a long break, to tidy up my feelings, my tots and wats not.
I envy lh. Seeing her do things that she enjoys. Shooting, filming, editing, recording etc and of course...bitching. The peeps in cs seems to be really enjoying themselves. They love wat they are doing and are enjoying it despite having sucky groupmates at times. I enjoy looking at them doing all the hands-on work and wish to be like them as well. I love doing hands-on stuff. It gives me a great sense of satisfaction at the end of the day when u see the fruit of ur labour. Writing pages and pages of report simply doesnt give that kind of satisfaction. hmm...wat am I doing in accountancy man...
Im the kind of person who needs to see the fruit of labour, physically. I need constant assurance, constant encouragement and constant motivation.Self-motivation can only last for a few days..weeks...maybe... Something is wrong with me this semester. But somehow I cant pinpoint the problem. Am I holing up in my room for too long? Am I shutting myself out from the rest of the world? Am I lost in this crazy world? Or am I juz waiting for things to happen? Somehow I no longer detest loneliness as much as before...I even enjoy loneliness at times. Wat is happening to me???
我想找回原来的自己
但我似乎已把原来的自己留在某个被遗忘的地方
好想大声地哭出来
但有谁的安慰能让我重新站起来
身边好友无数
但只渴望你的安慰
你又在哪里呢

Feeling v depress now...juz another sudden wave of depression. But I hate all these waves of depression and sadness. I want to be happy everyday, to start everyday with a big smile. =D BAXIA!=)